Harry Potter prequel – I called it…

I have to gloat a bit because I made this prediction back before Book 7 came out. I just didn’t know she would knock it out so fast.

http://www.abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=3811481&page=1

 Tolkien and Lucas (and Lloyd Alexander) had been unable to relinquish their imaginary worlds and had written prequels. As I predicted JK Rowling has now done the same with Tales of Beedle the Bard. (Very Dickensian name there. Dickens loved to pick on Beedles.)

From the sounds of it, this book is similar to the Simillrarllillionnion and Alexander’s “Foundling and Other Tales.” It’s not what Harry did just before book one. It’s more about adding to the mythology of Potter-world by telling a few fairy tales.

I’m certainly not complaining. If there was a market for it, I would certainly tell pre-Qwikpick stories about the days when Larry was calling it the Middle Earth Minimart & Subs.

Alternate Harry Potter Ending #6

 “where… where am I….,” asked Harry, struggling to recover his senses.

  “I guess you might call this our break room,” said the Bloody Baron.

 “Yeah,” added Nearly Headless Neck, “this is where you can come to relax, eat a Hot Pocket, that sort of thing. The best part is, in here you can turn off the schtick. No “boo” stuff, no haunting. We have to do enough of that crap in the hallways.”

 “Word,” added Moaning Myrtle.

 “Do you mean I’m… a ghost, too?” asked Harry, struggling to recover his senses.

 “Oh, yeah, sorry,” said Nick, “I though that had been made clear to you. Hey at least you don’t have that scar anymore. I mean, yes, your head has a big hole in it, but no scar! Dude, I think you’re going to like it here. Look, we’ve got all these awesome Muggle Movies, like ‘The Princess Bride’ and ‘Kung-Fu Vampire Attack.'”

“And look at this,” said Moaning Myrtle. “I just got a ELO’s greatest hits CD from the Columbia Record Club. First I got 13 albums for a penny and now I just choose one more at the regular price every six months.”

 “Do you play penny basketball?” asked the Baron, “We play a lot of penny basketball.”

 “That sounds great, but I can never be happy being separated from Ginny, my one true love.”

 “Got great news for you, kid,” said the Baron. “She just took a nasty spell to the head down in the cafeteria. Seems her mother was too busy quoting Sigourney Weaver lines from ‘Aliens’ to save her. In fact, she should be here any second.”

 Ginny materializes.

 “Hi, Ginny!”

 “Hi, Harry!”

 A long ghostly hug follows.

 “Hey, let’s give these kids some privacy,” said the Baron.

 “Yeah, better get back to it,” said Nick.

Fade to Black as ELO’s “Mr. Blue Sky” plays…

Alternate Harry Potter ending #5

Harry and Voldemort pour all their power into their spells, which meet in a violet and violent clash of sparks.

Harry feels his weakness as much as he feels Voldemort’s power. He hasn’t done enough. Voldemort is still too powerful. All is lost.

Suddenly, a shrieking white bird flies blasts through a window and dives at Voldemort/

 

Hedwig’s tiny talons extend and reach out for Voldemort’s eyesockets. Plunging through and bursting his soul-less eyes, they strike his brain and twist and grab and squeeze.

Even as Voldemort’s limp body falls to the ground, Hedwig pulls out a great chunk of the evil man’s brain with her beak and chokes it down in her lovable owly way.

The she looks at Harry.

“WHOOO’s expendable now, smart guy?”

———

This lovely work of fan fiction is brought to you by your friends at The Qwikpick Adventure Society. For all your mid-grade reading needs …. think Qwikpick.

Harry Potter Alternate Ending #4

Folks, each one of these I write I enjoy more and more. You got to try one, it’s a great writing exercise. Let me know if you write one and I’ll put up a link…

———

CHAPTER 137, The Battle for Hogwarts Cafeteria

“Okay, let me get this straight,” said Voldemort. “I’m not the true master of the wand because…”

“Because Draco WAS the master,” started Harry, “but then…”

“Yes,” said Hermione, ” but I think you’re over looking the crucial fact that Dumbledore wasn’t really beaten…”

“Exactly,” said Voldemort, “he was basically pulling an Obi Wan Kenobi. That doesn’t count. Darth Vader didn’t become the master of Obi Wan’s light saber.”

“What did happen to Obi Wan’s Light Saber,” asked Ron.

“Oh, that was explained in the Marvel Comics adaptation,” said Neville, “in issue 73, a shadowy figure is seen in the background of the docking bay firefight scene……”

“No, no, no,” said Cho, “you’re forgetting about Splinter of the Minds Eye.”

“Splinter of a Mind’s Eye isn’t part of the TSWC!”

“Yes, it is!” retorted Cho.

“What’s the TSWC,” asked Bellatrix.

“That’s the TRUE Star Wars Continuum,” explained Mrs. Weasley. “You see, some things created with the Star Wars name are not really part of the TRUE story arc. Take 4LOM, for example.”

“Hey, I had a 4LOM when I was a kid,” said Voldemort, “but Dumbledore borrowed it and lost the cape. Oh, yeah that reminds me. I hate all of you. ATTICA CORRUPTUS!”

Everyone dies.

Alternate Harry Potter Ending #3

Harry felt his forehead. The scar was gone. Voldemort was dead and the scar was gone.

But so was something else.

He knew what it was. Even before he said, “Accio Paper,” he knew the nearly weightless scrap of paper on the floor wouldn’t budge. He didn’t even bother trying another spell.

All these years he had been using Voldemort’s magic. Magic captured and held by his mother’s dying words. But now that magic was gone.

 Harry was a muggle.

The Wizard of Oz Syndrome

(I’m bumping this up for those who just tuned in…)

Long before I ever wrote my book  — since I was a kid in fact — I have been mulling over the similarities of certain stories. As the chart below shows, a lot of books fit The Wizard of Oz template.

(Now that my book, The Qwikpick Adventure Society, is done … lo and behold it fits the Wizard of Oz outline, too! Of course, since my book is not an epic fantasy, but a “real-life” story, I had to stretch things a bit to make it fit. And, by the way, PLEASE don’t think I’m inviting comparision in the quality of my story compared to these classics!)

Wizard of Oz Lord of the Rings Star Wars Harry Potter Qwikpick
Humble Hero Dorothy Frodo Luke Harry Lyle
from humble background Kansas Shire moisture farm Muggle suburbs Crickenburg
joins trusted friends Scarecrow, Tinman Sam, Merry, Pippin Han, Leia Ron, Hermy Dave, Marilla
and furry pal Lion Gimli Chewbacca Hagrid Larry ?
for treacherous journey yellow brick road Moria, etc… space flight 1 per book cow-pie fields
from paradise Emerald City Rivendell ? Hogwarts Qwikpick
with help of good witch Glenda Gandalf Obi Wan Dumbledore Freddie
and trouble from bad witch Wicked Witch(es) Fiery Eye Darth Vader Voldemort Brenda
and flying baddies Winged Monkeys Ring Wraiths Tie Fighters bad Quidditchers poop drops
to take/find magic item broomstick The One Ring lightsaber/ blueprints wand, cloak, etc… camera
to epicenter of badness! Witch’s castle Mt. Doom Death Star 1 per book sludge fountain
—–

Lloyd Alexander’s INCREDIBLE Taran series (Book of Three, Black Cauldron, etc…) fits very well, too, but I didn’t have room for it on the graph. I’m certainly not criticizing any of the books for fitting this outline. Lots of books can be analyzed this way and I’m guessing it all started with Gilgamesh or cave paintings or maybe even the first story anybody ever told.

I’d love to hear from you if you find other books that fit. You know you’ve got a good one when you find the furry pal and the flying baddies.

Alternate Harry Potter ending 2

“Wow, that was the best year at Hogwart’s ever,” said Ron, enthusiastically.

 “Yes, I had many enlightening classes,” replied Hermione.

 “And we won the Quidditch Cup, thanks to Ginny,” said Harry.

 ‘Aw shucks,” said Ginny.

 “Hard to believe we spent all last summer worrying about You-Know-Who,” said Hermione.

 “Yeah, I wonder what ever happened to him,” said Ron.

“Beats me,” said Harry. “Let’s go down to the Qwik-Hog for a big drank of Mt. Dew.”