My triple septic day…

I had three poop-related experiences today, none directly related to my epic Sewage fountain quest mid-grade novel, The Qwikpick Adventure Society.

1) Walked through neighbor’s muddy yard. Or was it just mud? There’s been septic tank trouble there before…

2) A lane-changing septic truck came awfully close to clipping my bumper on the bypass tonight…

3) My Name That Toilet piece ran in the Roanoke Times today. It went something like this…


Do you know your toilet by name?

No, I don’t mean John. We’ve come a long way from those days, folks. Today’s toilets can have their own names or be part of distinguished sounding “collections,” such as the “Town Square collection.”
Yours could be a Cadet or a Champion, but maybe you’ve got yourself a Cimarron.
Does your toilet recall our country’s history with a name like Washington or Constitution? Or does it harken back to Ye Olde England with a name like Devonshire?
Some are named for exotic places like San Raphael, Rialto, Santa Rosa or Lexington.
Stranger still, some toilets are named for ladies: Vicki or Kathryn.
Some are just words that for one reason or another seem to have that touch of class so necessary for a potty: Vogue, Repertoire, Serif, Reminiscence, Memoirs, Marathon.
And some are just plain absurd, such as the Kohler Cashmere Memoirs Stately Two-Piece Round Toilet.
My advice, get more than one. That way, when nature calls you can choose the right model for the occasion.
“Darling, I believe I‘ll use the Antiquity tonight.”


One Response

  1. Sam, if you ever come to Seattle, you will have to go on the Underground Tour. You’ll just have to. You will learn about how, from the beginning, Seattleites have always been out to make a buck at the expense of long-term planning and also about the perils of our early plumbing system in conjunction with building on the bay. Twice a day, when the tides came in, you did not want to open the lids of your toilets or you’d have an unfortunate mess.

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